his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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