I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
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Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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