Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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