i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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