my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Don't EVER smell your tampon
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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