saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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