i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He better not be in your backpack
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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