we were pretty classy up until the second keg
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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