But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize