if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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