I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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