He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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