She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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