Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize