If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize