My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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