I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize