You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
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