you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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