i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
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he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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