i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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