I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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