U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize