Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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