God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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