Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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