No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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