I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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