Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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