Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize