tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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