Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
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Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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