Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
