brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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