I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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