soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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