why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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