Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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