did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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