since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
