I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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