We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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