I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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