I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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