Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize