Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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