I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize