You're completely useless in the revolution.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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