I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They are going to name an STD after you.
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Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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