The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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